UGN Security Forums UGN Security: Underground Off Topic Don't you love our resident moron Imperial?

This was from IRC Last Night, posted by me for your viewing pleasure:
[Mon:20:14:03] <Imperial> mach 3 razor + shaving private areas = bad idea
[Mon:20:14:17] <Deffy> Impy...
[Mon:20:14:30] <Deffy> did you shave your groin.... damn I have lost so much respect for you
[Mon:20:14:34] *** ReverendNinjaSox has joined #UnderGroundNews
[Mon:20:14:34] *** ReverendNinjaSox sets mode: +v ReverendNinjaSox
[Mon:20:14:37] <ReverendNinjaSox> 'Lo.
[Mon:20:14:39] <sum> dude!
[Mon:20:14:43] <ReverendNinjaSox> Dude!
[Mon:20:14:48] <Deffy> Sweet!
[Mon:20:14:50] <sum> no way, if you shave them they will play with them
[Mon:20:14:57] <sum> guaranteed
[Mon:20:15:08] <sin> yeah girls dont like hair stuick in their teeth
[Mon:20:15:22] <Deffy> Gods...
[Mon:20:15:35] <Imperial> I didn't shave them compeltely
[Mon:20:15:38] <Imperial> completely
[Mon:20:15:40] <Deffy> why do I keep coming back here
[Mon:20:15:47] <sum> well, no, just tidy the house up a bit
[Mon:20:15:48] <Imperial> feel like a damn kid that just hit puberty
[Mon:20:15:50] <sum> =)
[Mon:20:16:03] <Deffy> I hope you get severe razor burn Impy
[Mon:20:16:10] <Imperial> I did
[Mon:20:16:22] <Imperial> I've got 5 layers of gold bond medicated powder on them
[Mon:20:16:26] <SilentRage> only porno freaks shave their pubes
[Mon:20:16:27] <Imperial> tingles
[Mon:20:16:27] <ReverendNinjaSox> I'll be right back. Cooking.
[Mon:20:16:37] <sum> Impy; schick extreme 3 = nut friendly
[Mon:20:16:56] <Imperial> [censored] razors...I'm getting some nair
[Mon:20:17:00] <Deffy> no!
[Mon:20:17:01] <sum> lol
[Mon:20:17:04] <Deffy> Impy NO!
[Mon:20:17:09] <Imperial> lol
[Mon:20:17:10] <Deffy> IT WILL BURN YOU!!!
[Mon:20:17:13] <Deffy> My buddy did it
[Mon:20:17:15] <Imperial> rofl
[Mon:20:17:25] <Deffy> he was [censored] crying his eyes out
[Mon:20:17:29] <sin> ouch nair sucks
[Mon:20:17:31] <Imperial> lol!
[Mon:20:17:44] <Deffy> begging me to cut his unit off, just to stop the pain
[Mon:20:17:56] *** Stinger has joined #UnderGroundNews
[Mon:20:17:56] <Imperial> the area all above my member bled...NEVER GO AGAINST THE HAIR
[Mon:20:18:16] <Deffy> dude Impy... you don't even know how to shave your face yet...
[Mon:20:18:19] <Imperial> I wanted it close...and tidy...BAH! pain!
[Mon:20:18:22] <Deffy> You shouldn't be shaving your balls
[Mon:20:18:57] <Imperial> haha
[Mon:20:19:06] <Imperial> I should take pictures...
[Mon:20:20:01] <Imperial> oh so smooth though...
[Mon:20:20:10] * Imperial should get some silk boxers
[Mon:20:20:22] <sum> yeah, but once you start there's no going back. stubble is a [censored]
[Mon:20:20:38] <Imperial> yeah...you could let it get stubbly and wait it out I guess
[Mon:20:20:49] <sum> and itch your nuts off, literally
[Mon:20:20:51] <Deffy> why not wax it
[Mon:20:20:53] <Imperial> yeah...
[Mon:20:21:12] <Imperial> I'd rather eat the tub of nads than use it to rip my nuts off
[Mon:20:21:25] <fleshwound> ok.. all i can say is: don't try to have sex when it's all stubbly.. it hurts the girl!
[Mon:20:21:50] <Imperial> see I was thinking that too...would a shaved girl really enjoy a big hairy man bush on her
[Mon:20:22:08] <Imperial> haha...what if it tickled...
[Mon:20:22:55] <Imperial> ugh...
[Mon:20:22:58] * Imperial itches
[Mon:20:23:09] <fleshwound> it's really only a problem when the hair is all short and prickly
[Mon:20:23:14] <fleshwound> otherwise.. i don't think it matters
[Mon:20:23:21] <Deffy> Someone log this and then post it
[Mon:20:23:26] <Imperial> well [censored], if I'd known that...
[Mon:20:23:41] <fleshwound> oh.. Nair works well...
[Mon:20:23:46] <Imperial> now I have half shaven nuts
[Mon:20:23:54] <sum> lol
[Mon:20:24:02] <sum> then sahve the other half
[Mon:20:24:07] <sum> shave it too
[Mon:20:24:14] *** oyster has joined #UnderGroundNews
[Mon:20:24:15] *** wizzy has joined #UnderGroundNews
[Mon:20:24:16] <Imperial> no, I refuse to [censored] with them until it's healed
[Mon:20:24:25] <wizzy> dear god
[Mon:20:24:27] <fleshwound> hehe
[Mon:20:24:28] <sum> you didn't dry shave them did you?
[Mon:20:24:36] <Imperial> no
[Mon:20:24:39] <Deffy> or use a straight razor?
[Mon:20:24:45] <Imperial> I had shaving cream an everything
[Mon:20:24:48] <Imperial> and
[Mon:20:24:56] <Deffy> come on Impy... be a man, get a straight razor and foam
[Mon:20:24:59] <fleshwound> it works better if the shaving cream is warmed up
[Mon:20:25:01] <wizzy> rofl
[Mon:20:25:06] <fleshwound> it loosens the hair folicles
[Mon:20:25:08] <Imperial> mach 3's even have those bands of [censored] above the blades for lube
[Mon:20:25:26] <sum> yeah, but mach 3's have that fuct design, no good for nut-shaving
[Mon:20:25:30] <Imperial> [censored]...once again if I'd know this
[Mon:20:25:31] *** wizzy has quit IRC (Quit: )
[Mon:20:25:37] <Imperial> damnit!
[Mon:20:25:44] <Imperial> I have a straight razor...
[Mon:20:25:49] <Imperial> hrm...
[Mon:20:25:52] <oyster> venuses are good
[Mon:20:26:05] <fleshwound> those are girly razors
[Mon:20:26:08] <Imperial> I'm not putting a girl razor on my manly parts
[Mon:20:26:08] <sum> man, if you put a straight razr anywhere near your nuts your a far braver man than i
[Mon:20:26:17] <Deffy> Straight Razors actually give a closer and better shave
[Mon:20:26:29] <sum> yeah, and one little slip...
[Mon:20:26:31] <Imperial> well, it's a straight razor with theis guard on it
[Mon:20:26:36] <fleshwound> that may be.. but that is a sensitive area
[Mon:20:26:37] <sum> bye bye bag
[Mon:20:26:43] <Imperial> hey, homemade vesectimy
[Mon:20:27:13] <Imperial> bah...after this accident I don't want to scar my sac
[Mon:20:27:21] <Imperial> watch me get ingrown hairs though
[Mon:20:27:31] <fleshwound> ouch
[Mon:20:27:40] <Imperial> how do I get rid of those
[Mon:20:27:56] <fleshwound> no idea
[Mon:20:27:59] <Imperial> cause no one wants to get close to something with red bumps all over it
[Mon:20:28:17] <Imperial> I really hope I don't get ingrown hairs...
[Mon:20:28:31] <Imperial> damn you mach 3
[Mon:20:28:34] <Deffy> haha
[Mon:20:28:41] <oyster> i had an ingorwn hair on my knee! it was so annoying
[Mon:20:28:47] <Deffy> Impy have I ever told you that you are a moron
[Mon:20:28:52] <fleshwound> i've never experienced ingrown hairs
[Mon:20:28:55] <Imperial> yes, yes you have
[Mon:20:29:02] <oyster> and it itched!
[Mon:20:29:07] <Deffy> well realize it... please
[Mon:20:29:10] <Imperial> one girl told you me wait for it to grow out and pluck it...
[Mon:20:29:39] <Imperial> I shaved my [censored] too...I wasn't going to put that out there...but I mean...I'm so far in my hole now
[Mon:20:29:49] <fleshwound> haha
[Mon:20:29:53] <sum> ok, i'm out of this convo now
[Mon:20:29:58] <Imperial> lmfao
[Mon:20:30:00] * sum looks at something else
[Mon:20:30:04] <fleshwound> umm.. like... your [censored].. or your [censored] crack??
[Mon:20:30:07] * oyster looks at sum
[Mon:20:30:08] <Imperial> both
[Mon:20:30:12] <fleshwound> ahhhh!
[Mon:20:30:14] <jonconley> Impy, don't feel bad. I have shaved my crotch and naired it
[Mon:20:30:15] <Energy> good choise sum
[Mon:20:30:16] * sum looks back at oyster
[Mon:20:30:16] <fleshwound> are you insane?
[Mon:20:30:20] <Energy> choice
[Mon:20:30:31] <Imperial> hey, who likes a hairy crack
[Mon:20:30:32] <Imperial> honestly
[Mon:20:30:37] <jonconley> How can you shave your [censored]?
[Mon:20:30:43] * oyster prods at sum with a pointy stick
[Mon:20:30:43] <Imperial> and I enjoy my mooning ablities
[Mon:20:30:47] <fleshwound> who would check your [censored] crack to see if it's hairy?
[Mon:20:30:48] <jonconley> Its like impossible to see, I don't know how ppl can shave back either
[Mon:20:30:50] <Imperial> abilities

wow. That's almost amusing

Hey, it is ok Impy. Atleast you aren't dumb enough to use your real name

One word, Electrolosys, and i cna't even spell it!

jesus, im scared now. impy, just wondering why the [censored] did you schave your [censored]? no girl is ever gonna want to stick somthing up there, i mean, jesus man. only queers shave their [censored]. porno stars dont even go that far. except gay porno stars probably

omg... Me and Impy decided to shave our balls on the same day... Except I did it right, it doesn't hurt or itch, and their nice and smooth..

lol, this reminds me on another conversation with Impy a long time ago, when he zipped himself *lol*

Ah good old times

Impy is just a crazy motherfucker hahaha...

...

lol

bp

yes pred, I was actually also present for Imperial's Zipper Incident... I think this boy is a Sadomasicist or something

Memories

Haha, I think I might have the logs from that...

UGN history right here, folks.

ohfuk: think about it man, would a girl want a big hairy [censored] crack, or a nice clean shaven one?

bah...this is the second time my nuts have bled at my own hands...and if you were wondering, they still hurt...

funny

My nuts are still nice and smooth and don't hurt...

Lol,

Curse, maybe you should write a tutorial, for all the guys out there that don't know WTF they are doing called "How to shave you balls in three easy steps !" (or whatever number of steps it takes).

LMAO! I was laughing so hard I couldn't finsh the same thing. Impy, didn't you realize there was quite a bit more hair around "you" than on your face? I'm thinking you don't even have facial hair, *me does, thank you very much :p *
So you decide to shave your pubes first?
Idiot! However, it was quite hilarious....
BTW, IMPY don't come crying to me when u get syphilis cause your shaved manliness attracts so many SLUTS.

hahahahahahahaha
impy, you never cease to amuse me. thats why 1 1ub j00

Ok, here we go...

Ingredients:

1 cheap 30 Per Bag razor from a dollar store.
Some Gillette "Sensitive Skin" shaving cream
A pair of heavy duty scissors(if you are Italian or hairy as hell like me).

Instructions:

Remove clothing, went down genital area with luke warm water. If you are really hairy, take the scissors and trim your hair down to about 1/4 of an inch. Now dampen the area and apply the shaving cream. Now carefully begin shaving the hair slowly, start on an area and shave it, re-apply water and shaving cream, and shave again until it is smooth, then move onto next area.

When finished, apply some moisturizer to all shaved areas.

A few extra tips.

Shave over the toilet, it makes cleaning up easier.
And make sure your scrotum is not all wrinkeled and leathery, it helps if you make it warm so it will be loose and flat.

follow up:

Schick razors are NUT FRIENDLY, so stay away from those damn Gilette mach 3's...hellacious flaming nuts

and as of today they are healed, smooth, and burn free